Gloomy Day, Moody Me

Weather for today: Gloomy,
just like how I am feeling right now: Moody, Fear...

this moody feeling got into me, since yesterday night, after logging out from my maplestory - a routine which I have been faithfully doing since a few months back...

A sudden fear came over me, fearing that one day, history might just repeat itself, after 5 years...It was an incident, which left my heart in pain, bled and cried for 6 months, and it took me at least a year to put it down and move on with life. This incident was far too painful and I am not sure whether I will be able to take it, if it happens again. It is a secret which I have kept to myself for a long time, and till today, there is only a handful of people (less than 10) in this world, who know about it.

The fear was triggered back after a friend told me some news while I was mapling. I shall not talk about it over here. Right now, I can just pray and hope that my gut feeling is wrong and I am being too paranoid.

To me, mapling is not just a game. It has become a means to relieve my stress from work and family, and a way for me to 'escape' from the realities of life, well, at least for the few hours when I am in the game. During the period of time when I am in the fantasy world, I will tend to forget (easily) about the pain and troubles which I am experience in the real life. Reason is, I have got a few real good buddies (NieNie, Kent, Pik, Pok, Valno, Nite etc), whom I know, will stand by me and cheer me up when I'm down, well, provided they are online though. I really hope, that we will remain as good buddies for a long long time...

i wonder, if one day, all my buddies in maple just decided to quit, what will I do? How will I react? Will I quit maple as well or will I continue playing, just like what I used to do, before I join DD2? My friends have been telling me that I have sunk too deep into it, with my feelings and emotions all tied to it...But one thing for sure, I will definitely play less, as compared to now.

Perhaps, in order to protect myself from getting hurt again, I should start thinking about pulling myself out from maple, or even to the extent of quitting it.

Perhaps~~Perhaps~~Perhaps~~~